Well this is unprecedented.
When My husband gave me that word, I took a deep breath, at least I could begin to describe WHY I was having such big feelings, including major confusion and big fear.
Since the remodeling of vocabulary began, and I've committed to follow my joy, I've heard myself saying often, well if it's not about the money, I want to... this feels amazing, I notice this, I LOVE this, I enjoy ...
FASCINATING. The fear of money runs big in me, and it's a lens I most often look through, and while I haven't gotten rid of the habit, I've named it and am giving myself the option to look through other lenses. Interestingly, most of what I say following that statement has some joy in it. I like these new lenses. I'm learning new things about myself, and it's true. It's NOT ALL ABOUT THE MONEY.
So, I didn't want to share that.
It seems too behind the scenes, too personal, too vulnerable. This is a business, and I should not discuss my fear of money. Well, I am sharing it because this week MANY MANY people may be feeling the same way. My husband was just laid off. My store is closed. Unless you are a zen master, you are quite possibly feeling some fear around this virus and its impact on your family, our community, our economy, your job, your rent or mortgage your food sources, or even your toilet paper supply, and that fear may or may not seem reasonable.
So, I'm here to talk about it. I'm here to say I feel scared, but if it's not about the money... I also REALLY need a vacation. My husband hasn't taken a week off without plans in years. We have a few MAJOR home projects that are really important that need to be addressed. We spend most of our time taking care of Lillian passing a baton back n forth, not co-parenting in the same room at the same time with shared familial experiences. I spend half my day telling her we aren't going to play with the phone right now, while trying to text my staff, clients or vendors or friends on the fly with misspelled words meaning I am taking twice the time to do something I wasn't going to do at all and feel stress around it!
I'm running a business that requires my love attention creativity, leadership and time with about an hour a day to really think, act, respond, and care.
This doesn't add up!
This week, I really want to transition into an online masterminded styling service where you shop online and I coach you and we all live happily ever after, overnight, so there's no financial impact on vocabulary. And then, I want to take a nap. Then I want someone else to do it for me, and then I want to meet them and train them and pass them the baton, and then, again, I want to take a nap.
Holla if you feel me.
I know that this same experience of drive, ambition, hope, and determination exist in you, whether you are a mom boss or a person with conflicting or passions or simply multiple roles, paid or not, all feeding days that are often overfull, and I wouldn't say it's overflowing abundance as much as overwhelm with either a dash or a dopple of anxiety.
If you are my age you may now say to yourself "Calgon, take me away" and laugh.
If you are younger, maybe youtube it:)
Anyway, I am writing today about the fear to say it out loud. It's big; it's real; it's scary, and that's okay. It's also okay to notice and enjoy ANY gifts you find within this experience.
It's okay to wonder how to help others, and it's okay to stay home and do nothing, as a way of helping others. This really is a help yourself first and that is helpful for others life experience, like the oxygen mask on the plane. Stay home, take care, and let's see what we learn. My next question.
What are you wearing?
If you are working from home or not: is it sweats, jeans or joggers?
Blazer with a tee or boyfriend cardigan?
I'm curious, because for me it changes, but I'm all about dressing the part I need to play, so big girl panties are definitely on, and cashmere is required for me to feel both confident luxurious and like a calm cool collected BOSS who needs to make decisions not out of the fear I feel but while feeling that fear. It's grey or navy. That's the morning, take care of business with my coffee, ensemble. The afternoon is loungewear, and if it's warm it's simply this dress, if it's cool I layer it with a cozy oversized sweater. If I'm really having fun I'm wearing statement earrings and a bold lipstick, even at home:) Are you doing your make up?
I'm taking this one day at a time, heck one half day at a time.
Today, I intend to update inventory online, and add some accessories and clothing. If you place orders we will fill them as soon as possible, and if you want to purchase a gift card to invest in vocabulary, that's a huge gift, and I REALLY appreciate your support. Email me here, just hit reply.
If you want to sit and do nothing for a few days, I get it. I'm with you on that too.
Let's see what happens next, and what we learn about ourselves this week, as we expand our hearts and minds to allow for a pandemic to shift and shape our days.
Please continue to pardon our process. I'm new at this, and trying my best.
Big love to you, Cecelia
xoxo
Ps. I'd love to hear how you are feeling. Tell me about it.
Tell me what you need, what's missing, in your tool box, your closet, whatever. I'm here to listen, I'm here to help, and closet edits via zoom aren't out of the question, I just need to learn how to use zoom, hee hee, and I reserve the right to book out after a week off... Again, let's see.
Pps. if you are a business owner and need some support right now, in person or virtually, we are possibly gathering a very small group of us at vocabulary on Monday afternoon. THIS IS TBD. Reach out!
A few ideas for how to spend some time at home
Movies: I just saw Bombshell, Ford Vs. Ferrarri, and Very Ralph...LOVED!
I flew to Michigan for a fashion show last week and had to be thankful for the time and space to watch a movie, while holding my sleeping baby. Such a gift!
mindful movement meditations
Yin yoga practice it should be VERY RELAXING and supportive or it's not yin.
I always walk by your shop! Love it! Never been inside because one I was headed to a meeting or two on a date or now three it’s closed due to the circumstances. Thank you for sharing. I’d like to share this with you. “I cannot control everything that happens to me; I can only control the way I respond to what happens. In my response is my power.”
“I will not get caught up in what could’ve been or should’ve been. I will look instead at the power and possibility of what is, right now.”
“I have to accept whatever comes my way, and the only important thing is that I meet it with the best I have to give.”
“Making mistakes is always better than faking perfections.”
“I will never be as good as everyone tells me when I win, and I will never be as bad as I think when I lose.”
“I will think less about managing my problems and more about managing my mindset. I will keep it positive.”
“A challenge only becomes an obstacle if I bow to it.”
“I will get back up. Again, and again. The faster I recover from setbacks, the faster I’ll get where I’m going in life.”
“I will not try to hide from my fears, because I know they are not there to scare me. They are there to let me know that something is worth it.”
“There is a big difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion. Life is too short. I will invest in the activities that deeply move me.”
“If I don’t have time for what matters, I will stop doing things that don’t.”
“I cannot build a reputation and legacy for myself based on what I am going to (maybe) do someday.”
“The future can be different than the present, and I have the power to make it so, right now.”
“Happiness will come to me when it comes from me.”
“Getting ahead is essential, and I will never get ahead of anyone (including my past self) as long as I try to get even with them.”
“I will focus on making myself better, not on thinking that I am better.”
“I will be too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener.”
“I will eat like I love myself. Move like I love myself. Speak like I love myself. Live like I love myself. Today!
“My next step in the right direction doesn’t have to be a big one.”
“All the small victories are worth celebrating, every step of the way. It’s the small things done well that make a big, exciting life in the end.”
And remember, one of life’s greatest gifts is the fact that it is often difficult. Because in dealing with life’s difficulties, we build invaluable strength. This strength enables us to successfully fulfill our deepest, most meaningful purposes. It is precisely because life is difficult that we are able to make it great. It is because life is difficult that we are able to rise above the difficulties. We are able to make a difference and we are able to leave our mark on the world.
Thank you and love and light to you.
Adriana Ferreira